'' I'm still loving you ''

When I close my eyes I think of you
And the times we've had been through
Even though were far apart right now

I remember back when you were here with me
How you've make my world complete
But now I'm left alone

We talked about love and hope
Wishing we could start a life our own
I wish that I could live without you

Why did you tear my heart apart
You said you'll love me from the start
All those painful things you've put me through
But I'm still loving you
I've tried to give my best to you
I don't deserve the things you do
Everything has gone to memories
I just wish I knew the truth behind the lies

Why did you tear my heart apart
You said you'll love me from the start
All those painful things you've put me through
But I'm still loving you
I've tried to give my best to you
I don't deserve the things you do
Everything has gone to memories
I just wish I knew the truth
behind the lies

miss. u.

今天，有点张小娴。

最近更新部落格的时间拖比较长了。
很抱歉，大问题发生在我身上，搞到我头也大了。
我到现在都还未真正的解脱，真的很对不起。
尤其是对于面子书上的朋友们，你们应该也不大想看到我的status吧！抱歉！

好了，
这一个post是关于张小娴，张小姐的。
90后的朋友，应该没什么懂她吧！
但是对于80后或以上的，应该对这个名字蛮熟悉的吧！
一个写过无数本小说，写过成千上万字的女小说家。
感动无数少女心的一个写文章女人，
但是，不满老实说，
我很少接触到她的书，因为以前的我是个标准藤井树迷。
所以，我比较少时间看张小姐的书籍。
第二个原因是因为，我不大喜欢她写书的风格。这些都是见仁见智的吧！
但是，她的一些话，真的蛮有意思的。
看就好，
别感动，别流泪。
也不许鼓掌。
用心去看。用心去感觉。用心去回忆。

又让你领悟到些什么吗？
其实，爱情也不过如此。
失去了，也不要太过于难过。（这是我对自己说的）
哈哈哈！傻够了没有。是时候醒啦！
难过也要有个限度吧！

学林晓培的一首歌，
‘过去让它过去，来不及，重头喜欢你。。。’

他，就让他过去吧！
回忆，就留着吧！

:)

笑一笑，没有什么大不了。

It will rain. and my sky is grey.

If you ever leave me baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
‘Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don’t have it anymore.

There’s no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I’m makin’
Will keep you by my side
Will keep you from walkin’ out the door.

Cause there’ll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain...

I’ll never be your mother’s favorite
Your daddy can’t even look me in the eye
Oooh if I was in their shoes, I’d be doing the same thing
Sayin there goes my little girl
Walkin’ with that troublesome guy

But they’re just afraid of something they can’t understand

Oooh well little darlin’ watch me change their minds
Yeah for you I’ll try I’ll try I’ll try I’ll try
I’ll pick up these broken pieces ’til I’m bleeding
If that’ll make you mine

Cause there’ll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain...

Don’t just say, goodbye
Don’t just say, goodbye
I’ll pick up these broken pieces ’til I’m bleeding
If that’ll make it right

IT WIL RAIN -BRUNO MARS

Im home, just back from work and done my bath.
I miss u again, and again.
This is the 2nd month after u last came back.
and for this moment, i suppose to appear in Spore but nt sitting here to blog.
But unluckily, everything had changed,
im just sit here alone with a laptop and an Iphone which ur name will nvr appear again.
After arnd 23 days and nights,
i still failed to keep the 'emo' away.

I miss u when im awake.
My phone will always 'ding..ding..' as alarm every morning...last time....
I miss u when im eating.
Everytime u also will put food on my plate.. scolding me for so choosy.
and the 1st time had dinner in ur house.
U ready everything for me and helped me clean the dishes too.
But i just nvr expect that.. thats the 1st time, also the last time, and is the only chance.
I miss u when im hanging arnd in Jusco.
The 1st time u hold my hand there.
helped me carry my bag and walking in the rain to the carpark.
That time, tears in my heart bcoz of happiness.
I felt so lovely.
I miss u everyday at arnd 330pm.
is finally ur breaktime and finally u have more time to chat with me.
even just arnd half n hour before u take ur nap everyday.
I miss u during my work at the night.
coz there was always someone asked me to go home earlier, dont drink too much,
and wait me to reach home before he sleep.
I miss every single songs that u sang to me..
is sucks n funny. Haha... God damn, i really miss ur voice so much !!!!
miss ur voice when u was telling me how much u love me through the phone.
miss ur face when u was telling me how much u love me when we re together.
You just dare nt to look into my eyes, and said: 'Ngor hou lurb lei !'
Ya.. u just 'lurb' me, nt love, and nvr is love, i think.
I miss the moment when i slept in ur arm and listening to ur snoring.
Is noisy. but i can felt u. thats y i like it.
The last chance for me to listen to ur snore, no more in ur arm.
I just sitting queitly next to u,
looking at u, staring at the face i love the most.
that night, i wish the sky nvr bright.
But my wish nvr come true. u have to leave... away from me.
I miss the moment when u said u will bring me to Universal, Phuket and ......
I dn care whether u were bluffing on that time,
i just felt sweet deep inside my heart.
Im just miss everything bout you.

Sorry..
I duno how to let go.
I duno how to forget you.
I duno how to stop missing you and the time we spent together.
I duno when i can really stop crying everyday.

My life is sucks enough,,and fuck up to the max,
This situation is the very 1st time for me.
I nvr cried for a person for such a long time.
I lost myself.
I forget how to smile.
I forget how to enjoy my life.
I forget the way back to happyfish.

I JUST FUCKING LOST MYSELF. AND I LOST YOU TOO.
I MISS YOU.
AND I MISS YOU TOO.

N.I.G.H.T
talking to the moon.

Spaghetti Sweet Tea Cafe

Well, i just back from dinner with my family..
Just 5 of us,
my aunt , my 2 cousins,
and my grandnanny, is her birthday today...
Wish her always stay happy and healthy. no more pain and those oldman's sick.
Love you always.
My aunt brought us to a new opening spaghetti shop named SSTC.
located in east garden, Ipoh. Behind the McDonald.

SPAGHETTI SWEET TEA CAFE

the bar.

Iced mocha and iced chocolate

the skipper kiwi apple juice

Hot hazelnut

Salmon spagheti with tomato souce

turkey ham with white souce.
ppl who like to eat cheese alot. strongly recommended this to u. Nice. :)

Sausage spaghetti with red souce

special dishes of the day.

Sharing is caring.. thats y we shared the food,, so that all of us can try every dishes. :)
Happy Family ^^

My lovely aunt and my grandnanny :)

with all the grandchildren. :)

this is the outlook of the shop.
Located at east garden. just beside the petrol station next to the McDonald.
To all the spaghetti lover, u can have a try here.
Original spaghetti from Italy. :)


POST END.

Hi.. im back... :)

Hey peeps.. im back...=)
ya.. just back Spore.
went for traveling ? went for the birthday celebration ?
finding job over there?
Hmm.. act... i went there just for an answer.
ppl who close with me will noe bout it.
Honestly, this was a sad trip for me.
i really hope that i will nvr been there.
i pass my bday in the bus.
No cake to blow in this year.
No any celebration with my friends.
No clubbing and busy taking pics, kissing with all my peeps.
just sit in the bus,
looking towards the dark. only tear accompany me.. and the memories.
was fxxking upset.
I know you still haven tell me the truth.
I dont know why u want to hide it from me ?
Nvr scare to hurt me by the truth.
I rathed you just tell me the truth but nt telling me the lies.
I really hate that and i think i will feel better by u telling the truth.
At least is more acceptable.
But is ok.
No matter how u treat me, as i said.
i wont give up.
my heart is belongs to u since few months ago.
I will nvr changed for this moment as what i had promised you.
I will nvr leave u alone whenever u need me.
Im still here with u, babe.
I always keep my promise.. i will done my part and the part that u didnt.

I miss u still, babe.
I love u still, no matter what.
Im stupid, and i know it.
But sorry, no one can change my mind for this moment.
Just let me be the jerk.


Babe, i saw it. Hope my sense and my feeling wont lie to me.
I trust them.
and i trust you :)


S.M.I.L.E

smthg special for MYSELF :)

Is countdown-ing for my birthday,
still gt...hmm... arnd 10 hours to go ?
Excited?
sorry.. i dn have the feel at all..
I think wont be any celebration for me !!! and i dn wish to have too.
Haha..
yeah.. im really a dumb ass.
I like to make myself bcome more suffer even though im not that suffereing!
Im crazy and i know it.
Well.. will do smthg that i nvr do before on my bady.
duno how to describe my feeling now..
Im sweating.. =..=''
sweat.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF !
^^

生日就快到了。倒數2天多。
完全沒有以往的期待，只有無數恐懼的陪伴。
真的很怕。也不想這一天的到來。
我想，這樣的感覺是我人生的第一次吧！
我～真的沒試過這種感覺。
很討厭。
這次的生日沒有什麼wishlists了，什麼都無法讓我開心了。
也不想有任何的慶祝，
只想一個人這樣度過屬於我的一天。
這一次，我傷的很重。
20多年來，沒試過一段感情可以讓我每一天都掉淚，持續2個星期。
每一天，不定時的掉淚。
我真的很辛苦。
有時，真的很佩服那些有勇氣，敢敢去死的人。
可以那麼了無牽掛，那麼勇敢。
為什麼我就不能？

每天一想到起床看不見你甜蜜的信息。
一想到每一天等不到你的信息。talkbox也不再出現你的名字。
一想到晚上你不再等我回家，我的感覺真的生不如死。

這兩個星期，你到底是怎樣過的呢？
有沒有也很想我？還是若無其事的過着你忙碌的生活？
為什麼事情會發生那麼突然，沒有先兆？
前一刻，你還很甜蜜的說很愛我，怎麼生氣一天後，變化會那麼大的？
你可以告訴我事實嗎？我真的很想知道。
如果可以，我寧願你從未愛過我。
我不想那麼難受。

我，真的，很想你。

檳城兩天遊 :)

終於...終於...
我有這樣的心情和大家分享我在檳城過了怎樣的兩天.

還未開始之前,
先和我面子書的朋友們道個歉.
我知道我壞心情寫下很多的posts會讓你們很困擾,
甚至覺得很討厭, 很想block掉我, 如果是真的, 我不會怪你們. 我知道自己的問題.
我真的有點太多了.
很抱歉.
但是, 我就是控制不到我自己.
真的萬分歉意.
從檳城回來後, 接二連三發生了很多...很多事情,
我都現在都接受不了.
太突如其來了, 搞亂了我的腳步, 我的生日, 還有我這一刻的人生.
我真的不知道如何度過我的這個星期.
只知道,
我每踏一步路, 眼淚都會在眼眶內翻滾.
我過得很難過.
壓抑得很辛苦.
想你想得很痛苦.

好了, 收拾心情, 再不更新我的部落, 連大家都要遺棄我了.
到時我真的會一無所有.

那一天星期四,
早上8點15分的車, eunice說7點來載我, 所以我6點多就要起床了.
星期三晚上又要上班,
回到家沖涼睡覺, 已經是4點多了.
才睡那麼的一個多小時, 超累的.
在車站的附近吃了個早茶. 就出發了.

要準備出發咯!

很甜的kopi冰. 很乾的炒粉. 不錯好吃的芋頭糕. 一般的蛋撻.
還有超級好吃的麵包.
(當然我是和eunice share的, 我才沒有那麼大吃)

車票~車票~很久沒去玩了. 很期待.

只化了眼線. 戴上眼鏡遮醜. 哈哈哈! :)

和 '當時我的ta' 聊天, 為了證實我和誰去而拍下的一張照片.
'當時的ta' 也很早起床了. 弄着ta的passport.
生病了的ta, 我很心疼.

她好像比我還要累.

這就是我說超好吃的面包.
麵包是那個用蛋煎鍋的, 還有糖.
裡面夾有ham和漢堡肉. 超正的說. 喜歡 :)

無聊人做無聊事. 這就是我們 !

哈哈哈哈!你看你們看!
哈哈哈哈! 一路上, 我竟然看見了他. 原來他那麼出名的哦! 好笑死了!

終於抵達了butterworth, eunice的媽媽來車站拿過我們的行李.
我們就搭ferry往檳城出發.
很緊張..很緊張... 很久沒坐過ferry了.哈哈哈哈!

在ferry上耍白痴, 好像大鄉里出省.

啊哈~ 檳城的朋友, 我們來了哦!!!! :)

車站車站.
往1stAvenue出發!

我沒什麼搭過巴士, 所以格外興奮. 哈哈哈!!!! 白痴升le中!!!

天天在那兒扮可愛. 討厭. blerk =p

超喜歡這張照片. 哈哈哈哈!
幾時.. 我可以變回這樣的我呢?

我們到1st Avenue買了戲票,
去看我們都很期待的 [那些年, 我們追過的女孩] !!!!

開心開心....
但是接下來, 我就一點都不開心了.
我iphone的線給barred了.
他媽的, 玩得開開心心忽然間搞什麼東東啊! check一check, 用了百多.
哇老, 哪有可能!
算了, 繳了才算. 不能上網, 會要人命的. 哈哈哈!
在等時間過,
我們到處誑誑, 順便吃個午餐.

糟! 忘記了叫什麼名字! 你看得懂嗎?

掛燈籠的店, 好像有點奇怪. 中秋過了N年咯! =..=

點菜時, 她每次都是最慢的.
我想她有選擇恐懼症吧! 嘻嘻!!!!!!! :D

新買的電話壳. 可愛吧! 還蠻便宜的哦!

2號桌.

味增湯

我的便當 - 雞雞便當 ♥

eunice的便當 - 鰻魚便當♥

我們吃的超飽的. 哈哈哈! 滿意.... ♥

買了新的潤唇膏, 但是不是很喜歡.

準備看戲咯!

偷拍偷拍... 男主角超帥的啦!

熬犬這個鏡頭好像有點恐怖哦! 哈哈哈! 黑眼圈超深的啦! 搞笑! :D

很漂亮的 ' 沈佳宜' ~
看完戲後, 真的很無所事事, 時間又還早.
eunice 約了她的朋友來. 結果, 還是一樣... 悶...
唯有坐在 '乾海'旁, 打發時間.

乾海...想跳海都要走一段路. 哇靠.....

哈哈哈! 不用多說, 我的頭髮真的很糟糕. 無藥可救. :(

坐在馬路邊, 悶得發慌.
幸好 '當時我的ta' 打電話給我閒聊. 當時, 很開心. 真的很開心.

一直..一直和他信息着.

Eunice的朋友. 這張照片有fu吧! 我拍的哦! 哈哈哈!


終於..終於等到所有檔口都開完店了.
每回來檳城必到的地方.

買了一堆煎炸的食物, 就趕著會butterworth了.

她, 比我還高. 厲害吧! 哈哈哈!

哈哈! 回家的路上, 我們買了檳城的chatime試試.
車... 都不好喝的.
茶味有點怪怪的. 而且紅豆都硬硬的. =..=

終於回到家了, 他媽的, 腳酸到不是蓋的.
我還記得當時我post了個status寫:
my legs nt my legs, your legs nt your legs 的status.
哈哈! 超搞笑的吧! 什麼爛英文啊!

看.. 這就是我們買的垃圾食物啦!
一大盒煎炸的東西, 咖哩角.... 超肥.

因為實在太油膩了, 唯有下去711買一些消膩的飲料喝. 超醜的啦!

很累了, 但是還是不想睡覺,
因為那一晚是111111, 想和 '當時的ta' 甜蜜甜蜜的聊天.
可是他卻忙着他弄他的iphone,
生氣死了.
幸好當時他也有哄回我.
在那麼特別的日子, 告訴我他有多愛我.
還有,
我永遠都會記住的.
''NGO 111111 GAO YOU''
哈哈哈!

有一天, 我相當backpacker, 我是說真的.

和eunice的媽媽誑巴剎.

吃了不錯好吃的炒kueh條.
但是喝了一杯很難喝的咖啡. 結果叫多一杯可樂, 第一次早上喝可樂 :(
可是, 當要前往碼頭的時候,
eunice媽媽的車竟然壞了. 被逼著要等救星來幫忙,
我們唯有再到處走走閒誑.
害我又買了幾件衣服. =..=
邊等邊和'當時的ta' talkbox.

你看. 11:11 11.11.11 ♥ 當時我以為一切都很美好 ♥

哈哈! 終於等到救星, 搞好車子啦! 立即往碼頭出發!

臭烏鴉, 我要的是白鴿! =p

我就是不能靜靜坐着. 哈哈

超帥的post嘛! 哈哈! 陸續有來 !!!

eunice還是一樣, 裝可愛. 哈哈哈! :)

超猛的一張照片. 哈哈哈! 坐船, 真的很無聊.
當時, 看到渡輪, 想說找天, 我也和你一起坐上渡輪出海遊玩, 結果........想想而已 :(

船一靠岸, 我們就快步的前往車站走去, eunice約了朋友,
只希望她的朋友快點到,
我們可以快點吹到冷氣而已. 因為實在太熱了.
所以, 我買了個雪糕吃.
媽的. 也溶的太快了吧! 拼命舔拼命舔, 還是弄到滿手都是.
終於等到她朋友來了,
載了我們去Queensbay, 是這樣spell嗎?
哇... 早知道就到這邊誑啦!
大間很多, 商店也很多. 還看到我最愛的topshop, 還有Forever21.
超興奮的啦!

選戒指選到我發瘋,
最後只買了一個. 很帥吧! 很多喜歡的都沒有我的size. 傷心死了!!!


本來想在那兒用facebook check in的, 結果發現我的電話又barred了.
真的很dulan咯!
誑到一半, 我又好像發了瘋一樣到處找maxis.
結果, queensbay裡面居然有maxis centre. 開心死了. 很快就幫我temporary unbarred了.
不像普通那些爛蕉店, 這些不能, 那些不行.

恢復下心情, 吃我的章魚燒. yummy~

哈哈哈! 再繼續吃.
我們選擇了在Kim Gary 坐下. 因為我以為那兒會有plug給我的iphone充電,
結果是沒有的, 傷心.

好像有點不環保咯! 那麼多的點餐表. 不喜歡.


你看...你看..又是她. 超慢的啦! 哈哈!

我好想試看這個toast咯! 一口咬的. 但是它只是提供給有會員卡的朋友而已.

我最愛的kopi冰. 很好喝. 可能是一早的太難喝了吧! 哈哈哈! :)

喝了感覺很舒服的一杯飲料. 喜歡.

eunice的咖哩韓國面. 超辣!


我的什麼六寶印度咖哩飯(好像是).
六寶原來是: 雞翅膀, 香腸, 豬肉片, 蛋半顆, '荷蘭薯' , 還有borcolli.
也是超辣的.
我把菜和肉扒光就不吃了. 頂不順. 辣死.
吃着吃着,
就超不多時間要離開了.
不然錯過了, 我就趕不及上班. 就慘大了.

eunice的朋友特地到我看看聞名的Mois. 哈哈哈哈!
我下次一定會到那兒club的. 等我哦!


看看,
這就是我在Kitchen買的高腰裙.Rm69.9

很難襯衣服啦! 而且松掉了..奇怪....

還有, 莫名其妙的買了一堆鮮紅色長襪. 哈哈! 真的搞不懂自己. =..=

很興奮的誑了整間Forever21, 只買了這3件東西. 無言.


回到了怡保,
還是要上班, 也來不及休息. 這個post也呆到了今天才寫.
原以為11月接下來的日子, 我會很忙,
很期待着每一天的到來,
期待着我生日, 期待着12月的到來, 期待着新年你的歸來.
結果,
這個月, 陪伴我的只有不盡的淚水.
我真的很累.
原以為沒有了工作, 至少還有他,
現在我什麼都沒了. 沒有了寄託, 失去了快樂, 我真的過的很辛苦.
還是想不通,
為什麼會這樣.

這一次,
我很傷.
第一次,
那麼痛.

我, 不知想說什麼了.

再見.